This is an essay I wrote for my College Composition class at Calvary Bible College during my sophomore year in the Spring semester of 2012. It recounts an argument I had with my fiancee(at the moment) Emily about a few weeks after we got engaged. It basically stresses the point, in a humorous way, that men often don't think about how what and how they say something affects their loved ones. This is told in the narrative perspective. Hopefully it's entertaining and humorous for you as it is for Emily and I now that we look back on it. :)
MEN NEED TO WATCH WHAT THEY SAY
Introduction
The life of the engaged man is a joyous and exciting time in one’s life. It is also a time when one must be even more careful of what is said than before. Most men do not think about how what they say affects the lives of the women they love. What sounds like a rational thought process to a man may sound as though you have just told her that you are, in fact, a serial killer so-to-speak to a woman. Listen to this story of how this foolish man said the absolutely wrong thing at the absolutely worst time.
The Setting and Scene of the Crime
The student lounge is a great place for young college students. It is a place where one can make lifelong friends and lifelong memories. Any student could spend hours in a place with games, relaxing ambience, and friends. It is this ironically placid setting that frames the scene where this important lesson takes place.
The offender in this story is a young man named Ross. He is a sophomore in college and 24 years of age. One would think that he would have some shred of common sense being an older student. Granted, Ross does have some ability to lead and can think through things logically as most men can. He is, however, still a man and sometimes speaks before thinking. He is sitting right now on a loveseat in the student lounge next a young woman, his fiancée.
Her name is Emily. She is a beautiful, intelligent woman who is lovelier than the greatest concerto, more florid than the most brilliant sunset, and feistier than Rocky Balboa in the 10th round. Although she normally is a happy person, she looks clearly distraught at the moment. Her hands are fidgeting uncontrollably as she toys with the zipper on her green varsity jacket. Ross could see small tears beginning to work their way out into the open. Ross begins to open his mouth and use his stunning intellect and smooth words to try to allay the fears of his beloved fiancée.
How to offend women in five syllables or less
“Do you see why this is so important?” Ross said imploringly.
“I wish I did. I just wish sometimes that you would explain it better to me. I just don’t understand why everything has to come back to some relevant doctrinal dissertation.”
“I’m quite sure that I explained it adequately. There is no reason for you to get all upset just because you don’t understand.”
This is an interesting strategy from Ross. He seems to be attacking the problem with aggression and foisting the guilt upon her. Emily has become noticeably upset. Ross sighs deeply as it appears he realizes his first mistake.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just think that we really need to work out these beliefs that we seem to disagree on before we go any further.” Ross said.
“But I thought that we did talk these things out.” Emily said trying to fight back tears from frustration.
“I did too! It seems like our opinions have changed or we just aren’t understanding each other’s terminology. Either way, we need to work this out. We can’t move forward till we get it done.”
“Why do you keep saying that? About us being together?”
Ross glances away as it dawns on him what he actually said. This would be mistake #2 for those keeping score.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Em.” he said trying to think of how to smooth this over. “I know, let’s talk this out in the morning. We’re both tired and not thinking straight. We’ll inevitably say something we don’t mean. I think it would help us both out.” Emily nodded slowly. Ross could tell that this answer did not satisfy her. He had no idea what else to do. Everything he said simply managed to dig himself a deeper hole. Ross stuck his hands in the pockets of his black jeans and began to walk towards the door with her.
“How am I gonna smooth this over?” Ross thought to himself.
He would have to come up with something quick. They were at the door.
Some things are better left unsaid.
Ross looked back and saw that the countenance of this beautiful woman that he loved had noticeably fallen. Ross placed his hands on her shoulders and could feel her shaking. He knew that there was something that was terrifying her. Ross wished he could communicate through will power alone since all his other attempts at talking were failing miserably. His eyes darted to and fro as they always did when he was deep in thought. His concentration was disrupted when Emily began to speak.
“Ross, why are we having all these arguments lately? It’s like we can’t agree on anything.”
“I don’t know, Em. Maybe God is allowing this stuff to test how committed we really are to each other. Maybe it’s a sign that we’ve been putting each other before Him. Maybe He’s allowing this to show us things that we need to work out before we get married.”
“Yeah, I’ve thought of that. I just wish there was an easier way of doing things.” she said.
“I think that important issues are always difficult to work out. I think that’s the way that God has always worked. The important issues and how we respond to them shape our lives and our devotion and love for God.” he said. He could see that Emily was getting calmer more and more. Minutes passed by as they searched for the right thing to say. Ross could see a thought developing in Emily’s eyes. She began to fidget more. Her breathing became deeper.
“Here it comes. This is the issue that she’s really been wrestling with.” Ross thought.
“Ross, I just don’t want to lose you.” she said as she fought back tears.
This was Ross’ moment. This was the time he had been waiting for to say the perfect thing that would calm her down and let him go to bed with absolute peace and comfort. He paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and smiled as gently as he could. He knew he picked the right thing.
“Emily, Emily, you haven’t lost me…yet.” he said.
The word only had three letters. Ross knew that as soon as he decided to say one more word it was all over. He would swear to this day that he heard glass shattering as soon as he said that. The expression of happiness and joy that he assumed would sweep across Emily’s visage was replaced with the most fearful and distressed look he had ever seen in a human being in his life. He knew it was strike #3, you are out. Oh, he tried to act ignorant and play it off.
“Why are you crying, Em?” he said weakly.
“Why would you say that?!?!” Emily said. He could not blame her for her tone. He knew what a heel he had been. Ross’ shoulders sagged as he tried to think of what to say. He realized what needed to be done. He probably should have said this from the beginning. He looked into her eyes and said as genuinely as he could, “I’m so sorry.”
Ross gave her a hug and for once let his silence do the talking. He tried to allay the situation the best way he knew how and failed. Much to his surprise, Emily raised her arms and hugged him still. He could not believe that someone he hurt so deeply would still lower herself to care about him. That night rocked Ross to the very core of his being as he realized how insensitive he is with Emily, with his teammates, and with mankind in general. It was a lesson Ross would not forget. He said goodnight to Emily and, after walking back into the dorms, thanked the Lord for the lesson he had learned that night. It seems like he had simply been hit by a pitch, and given a second chance.
Conclusion
Most men do not think about how what they say affects the lives of the women they love. The tongue is greatly evil and full of deadly poison. Men must realize that God designed women in ways that are far different than they. Beautiful differences that when two individual personalities come together in a union of marriage a friendship is formed that is stronger than any other. When men can talk to their wives, fiancées, or girlfriends the way that God intended there will be far less sadness. Today, Ross and Emily’s relationship is full of joy. Ross has learned from that night. May all men do the same.